An opportunity I'm glad I didn't pass up on

Its been time to do something for myself. Life as a mom is going to be ever demanding but I need to find sanity in mine. feel a purpose and do things that I like to do instead of what I have to do.

I got an opportunity like that recently - to attend my college reunion - in my favorite place in the world Jaisalmer in Rajasthan. I could not pass it up inspite of having visited India not so long ago. It was not a rational decision, thank God - I followed my heart, and my family followed.

The trip allowed me to revisit a part of me that had been lost in the past 13 years. Why had it been lost is a question that will take some assessment - I changed my profession, I got married to someone I didn't know, had kids, was in a different country, without the grounding factor of friends and family - which meant I make my own decisions. My lovely hardworking mother - as wonderful as she is - has left me with few decision making capabilities. I was used to letting her make decisions for me - and then my husband. Having kids has been liberating in that I actually got the pass to be myself - because that's what I want the kids to know me as, and I want to expand their horizons.

Anyways, I digress, my Rajasthan trip was incredible - it allowed me to be free in a setting where I wasn't used to being free. It was great to be myself and not have to worry about people judging me - because it didn't matter. I didn't have to go back in a classroom with them and do multiple projects together and so have to fit in.

What it did to me - was reconnect me with old friends like never before - with the superficiality out of the way I could see the wonderful (and not so wonderful) characteristics in all my friends and accept it all.

Ziplining on Mehrangarh fort was the most thrilling thing I've done. It gave me a taste of flying that I've always wanted to feel. Someone once told me that people who flying their dreams are creative people. I used to dream of it before but haven't since years. I felt it again. It was a milestone for me to feel.

My girlfriends made the trip amazing - the pillow talks with R (of I can call it that - we shared a room together and were lying on pillows when we talked) brought me so much closer to her. Being in the same-ish stages in life made us relate to each other even more. Singing with M - was so thrilling. I used to be very shy in college - am even now with people I don't know - but with this group - we sang to our hearts delight and it was so beautiful - especially under the canopy in Pokhran. And the bus rides with T - my oldest friend from college - I was scared of what to expect here - but we connected again - yes, we had some issues but the important thing is that we overcame it and our friendship got reconnected. It was liberating.

There were parts of the trip that I did not like. I still felt like I needed validation from our professor, and I felt like a misfit at times due to my different profession and location - but that is the way of life.

I feel so recharged - I want to hold on to this - I want to hold on to these friends but I'm worried that this too shall pass. I hope I can make an effort and keep the connection going - because I love this part of me that had been lost, and I want to keep it alive and happy.